It's late.

I can't sleep tonight, which is really weird because I've been really tired this week. This is my last busy week (school-wise) until finals so I'm looking forward to it being over. I think the time change has screwed a lot of people up. I know it's really nice to have light so late in the evening but I don't like waking up to darkness every morning. I slept in by an hour and a half on Tuesday and was late for work. It just takes a lot to get up that early when you don't have the sun shining for you. Oh well.
I think I can't sleep because I have a lot on my plate (like most people this time of year), which is a lot to think about.
I think working four days a week has caught up to me - it's hard to work an 8 hour day and then have to go to school afterwards, only to wake up the next day and have to do it all over. It can take a lot out of you. I've realized that I am the kind of person that can't leave work at work - I go home and think about it...probably because a lot has been going on at the office and trying to get a position full-time is something you have to prepare for, which is what I've been doing lately. I really have to work on seperating the office from home.
School's been not too bad lately - I handed in my last paper today and just have to finish Friday nights Abnormal Psych mid-term and then I can have a little 'break' until April. Will be nice in the summer, only taking one class instead of four.
Ok I'm losing my concentration, which is a good sign. I'll give sleep a second try now and hopefully a late night tonight won't result in me sleeping in again.

' he was my kryptonite. '

Ew...ever wake up thinking 'did that actually happen?'. Anywho, I've been thinking as I write my Motivation paper, which is on self-efficacy in difficult circumstances...Guys...I tell you, they are everywhere when you don't want them to be. I've been trying to avoid the whole rebound/back-up/dating scene, and it hasn't been going too well. Until now, haha, I am fed up so I'm taking a time-out. It's so frustrating to have opportunities but you decide not to pursue them because you're the girl who likes someone who is incapable of giving you what you need out of a relationship and you've already used every piece of your self-esteem to keep them.

taking a time-out.

It's funny that Lindsay wrote that I don't have intimacy issues because I got a chance to re-evaluate a situation and I came to the conclusion, that no, I don't think I have them, I just thought I did, based on certain circumstances. I think what I found was that the situation wasn't comfortable - which makes me question why people give comfortable up? ...

I find that the last month or so has been a blur. This week is my first week working four days a week, instead of three and it's taking up a lot of my time. It's going pretty well though, probably because I established a routine so that I can fit both school and work in. I think I've become a total introvert in the sense that I don't really feel like hanging out with people and talking to people - I'm quite happy reading, listening to music or just doing my own thing. On the other hand...put me into a situation where I need to talk, I have more confidence and it feels good. I think during the week I have to focus on getting enough sleep and eating properly so that I can enjoy my weekends more. Good plan.

Intimacy.

I thought I had intimacy issues, but thinking about it today, I think that I just don't feel like going out of my boundaries and change something that's already good. Things change, people change, and when you know what you want, it's hard to shift away to something else - something that's just not right.

Somebody's Crying - Chris Isaak

I know somebody and they cry for you.
They lie awake at night and dream of you.
I bet you never even know they do, but somebody's crying.
I know somebody and they called your name.
A million times and still you never came.
They go on loving you just the same, I know that somebody's trying.

smells fishy.

I don't know where the last couple of days have gone. Kev's in town with his new girlfriend, who is really cool. We managed to go skating on the canal and fit in two family dinners in so far. I worked the past two days, which seemed to be more demanding than usual...probably because there's a competition coming up for my position and I basically have to win it to keep my job. I have a three hour exam tomorrow for a potential job at Agriculture Canada, so I probably shouldn't have gone out tonight, but I think I needed to let loose a bit. For some reason since Monday morning I've just been feeling like nothing is going my way. My boss was all up in my face about an e-mail he got from a client who wasn't very happy, which doesn't make my boss very happy, and who gets bullied? The employees he works with. Anyway, I was in no mood to take it so I actually stood up for myself - very bold- and wouldn't have done it usually, but I did. I just told him he was making it a bigger deal than it was and that I didn't have time for it. Very simple and I think he got the point. I will make a great manager someday. Anyway, so after work I was still a little peeved, but I had a family dinner to go to, and Kev was supposed to pick me up, although he was late, so I sat in a snow bank for 20 minutes. I have no patience for late people. Today was better however I tried to make a nice salmon dinner that didn't go as planned. Can't even talk about that though lol. The week has started off really busy and looks like tomorrow will be too, with my exam and dad coming into town. I will have to find time for myself though, so I can keep a little sanity while trying to manage a chaotic schedule that's coming up, starting next week. I agreed to work four days a week now. What was I thinking?

single, not looking.

Of course I would have something to say on Valentine's Day. Even though Sam has informed me that it's S.A.D day (Singles Awareness Day), I still like the romance that Valentine's brings, and I believe that you can definitely bring some romance to your life, whether you're in a relationship or not. Even though I had an exam and an exam to prepare for for tomorrow, I still had a candle-lit bubble bath and lots of chocolate. It's pretty much up to you how you take a day like this. You can even be like my brother, who is in a relationship, but who is against Valentine's day. To each their own. No need to feel bad for singles on a day like today. I found it too exhausting to try to find someone so I decided to let them find me while I continue to live my busy life, haha. Time will tell.

because I have this song in my head...

Rascal Flatts - My Wish

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
if it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish